By nature I am not an oversharer. If anything I tend to keep my personal business
completely to myself. However, I do not
feel I can adequately convey the message I want to share without exposing
myself a bit. That is why I am about to
put my medical history on blast all over the interwebs.
In December I had major abdominal surgery to remove
fibroids from my uterus. Because I am an
obstetrician-gynecologist by training, I knew way too much about what was going
to happen. It was quite a challenge to not be “that patient”. The one thing I requested was some sort of
visual representation of what my diseased organ looked like. Because we live in the 21st century and I had
surgery at a hospital where I used to work, I was able to obtain an actual
photo. It surprised me how disturbed I
was by the appearance of my pre-surgical uterus. It was a nightmare!
As I reflected on the fact I had strongly considered
deferring surgery or not having it at all, I determined my uterus was a
metaphor for my life. I have a
self-limiting habit of convincing myself horrible things are not that bad. While staring at the photo of my fibroids I
made a decision not to let that happen anymore.
In more ways than one 2014 was going to be New Year New Uterus. Here is what the process of preparing for and
recovering from that procedure taught me about being true to myself.
Sometimes
you have to choose the best of all the bad times.
As an independent contractor, taking a prolonged leave of absence from work is
never an easy choice. If I do not work,
I do not get paid. Unfortunately, there
was not a way for me to receive appropriate treatment for my fibroids without
taking at least one month off. I had to
pick a time, and December was the least bad.
In many areas of the life, there is not always going to be a good time
to make a necessary move. In fact, every
change is going to come at a bad time for someone involved. Waiting for the best time is one way we
responsible types camouflage procrastination.
Sometimes we just have to make the hard choice now and allow everything
to fall in place after that.
It
can be tough in the immediate aftermath of a right decision.
Every good decision does not reap immediate benefits. For instance, I like to exercise. The circumstances of my recovery were such
that it was around two months before I got back to working out. It only takes about two weeks for the body to
lose fitness conditioning. My first post-op
run was one of the more uncomfortable workouts I have had in recent
memory. There was literally a burning sensation
in my chest for the first five minutes of jogging. It was a reminder I had made a decision for my
overall health that caused a short-term negative impact on my
conditioning. I knew it was reversible,
but it was quite awful in the moment. The
important thing is knowing I can work through it and get back to a comfortable
level. The new perspective I have on
coming back to fitness from medical leave also helps me to be a better personal
trainer. Preventing a limited period of discomfort
is not a legitimate excuse to avoid making the correct choices for our lives. If we allow it, the education we get from
those tough times only serves to improve us.
Ignoring
obvious signs may be hampering your ability to fulfill your intended purpose. By design the uterus is meant to be a womb
that gestates offspring. I did not have
my surgery with the expressed intention of preparing my body for
child-bearing. However, finally treating
my fibroid symptoms made my uterus a much less hostile environment for any
embryo that may reside there in the future.
I have cared for plenty of women who had fibroids and babies without
issues, but pregnancy tends to be easier when the uterine wall is not housing
numerous golf balls. Downplaying my medical
signs and symptoms was just the latest in a lifetime of rationalizing bad
feelings. Ignoring the significance of those
signs can keep us from moving on to the satisfying and fulfilling existence we
are meant to have.
When
you make a tough decision other people will be scared on your behalf. In their own loving ways, lots of people
expressed their nervousness about my potential for post-operative
complications. Of all the concerns I had
with regard to my operation, medical misfortune was not particularly high on
the list. I was confident God had a
plan that would work out for the best. Since
others’ worries were manifestations of their experiences not mine, I chose not
to embrace them as my own. It reminded
me of when I decided to stop practicing medicine. While I found the decision to be remarkably
liberating, many people in my life were worried about all the impending
badness. I could sense them trying not
to freak out as they mentally calculated how I would maintain my mortgage, my
school loans, and my prestige without a “doctor job”. I had to learn to respect their opinions but
not be unduly influenced by them. The
fact I was not scared by an objectively scary situation helped me to know I was
making the right call. When we make
choices that are honest and authentic, we can be fearless.
My motto for 2014 is “New Year New Uterus”. I never want to allow myself to get to the old
uterus state again so I keep a copy of it on my phone. It is a reminder to me of what can happen if I
maintain the status quo when a change needs to be made. It is not always necessary to know exactly what
the result of a decision will be. The
important thing is honoring the instinct to make the decision in the first
place. Here’s wishing you all NYNU!
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