IDENTITY CRISIS

I spent the vast majority of my life wanting to be, training to be, then working as a physician.  This made it very difficult to separate who I am from what I do when I stopped practicing medicine.  The struggle was especially great since I had no particular new identity to embrace at the time.  The doctor mantle never fit quite right but it least it gave me covering.  Now I had to go out and define myself.

Leaving medicine the way that I did presented another interesting situation.  People thought of me as this brave person.  However, I never felt I lived up to the cool courageous woman people conjure when they hear my story.  Brave people do things that scare them.  I wasn’t scared.  I just didn’t want to be miserable anymore.  Quitting medicine seemed to me like a common sense decision more than an act of valor.  I was pretty sure the brave persona was not going to work for me either.

Eventually I accepted my identity comes from within, not what others think of me.  Once I determined what was important to me, the rest was about being true to that.  How other people perceive it tends to be as much a factor of what they need to see in me as what I am exhibiting.  Figuring myself out is a never-ending process but here are some general principles I’ve learned so far.

The key is to be genuine.  Regardless of circumstances, my life tends to stay on the rails when I am honest with myself.  At my basic level, I love God, I love exercise, and I love helping people.  I love God because He loves me in a way that models how I should love others.  I love exercise to relieve stress and stay fit.  I love helping people to feel useful and of service.  These core aspects of my life combine to allow me to like who I am and how I treat other people.  The best version of me will always involve a manifestation of all these whether it is as a physician, a wellness consultant or some profession to be named later.  Neglecting any one of them would be creating a false identity for me.  It is important to figure out what is essential to being you.

Don’t be what someone else thinks you should be.  Many well-meaning, yet misguided, people offered me suggestions on everything from how to remain in medicine to how to build my wellness business.  They didn’t necessarily value what I value, so their ideas didn’t really apply to me.  Trying to conform to what other people think is best for you means being defined by external influences instead of your own heart.  It only leads to frustration and resentment for all involved.  Being a better version of yourself may require some adjustments in the way you do things.  However, improving yourself never means losing the essence of what it means to be you.  If that is happening, it’s not really a better you. 

Don’t be afraid of what you can be.  One challenge I faced in forging my new identity is distinguishing whether it was lack of interest or fear keeping me from trying something different.  Especially for those of us who have charted out our lives since our teens, it is natural to be nervous about the unknown.  However, fear should not be the only thing holding you back.  This is where being responsive to your intuition is important.  For instance, I don’t run marathons because I have no desire to run for more than one hour, not because I don’t think I am capable.  On the other hand, I started my own business.  It is a completely novel and challenging experience, but it does not frighten me because it is in line with my authentic self.

Stay close to the people who love you regardless of your identity.  One thing that has become evident to me through all this is who is in my corner.  Someone asked me recently if my family supported my decision to leave medicine.  The best way to explain it is they gave me space to determine what I need without judgment.  I am very fortunate.  My family and closest friends don’t totally get what I am doing, but they know I am happier than I used to be.  They are concerned about my welfare but never push me to do anything or be anything I am not comfortable being.  They trust me and my process to lead me where I need to be.  Whether it is changing careers, ending a relationship or starting a new fitness regimen, sometimes you just need someone to be kind to you while you define it for yourself. 

I still don’t have a succinct answer for my new identity.  That pleases me.  It means I am not letting myself be put into a box.  Like every human being I am a complex individual who manifests differently to different people.  What is important to me is that through whatever lens people view me, they see truth.  That is the most anyone can ask.