WISH VS. DESIRE

What do you want?

I am a fan of semantics.  I believe in using the proper words to convey the intended meaning.  One word whose true meaning befuddles me is want.  The Merriam-Webster definition of the word want is - “have a desire to possess or do (something); wish for.”

Personally, I’ve always used want in the pre-semi-colon denotation.  If I want something, I have a desire for it.  That desire is expressed by effort on my part to obtain it. 

It seems we as a society use the definition after the semi-colon more often.  When folks say "I want" they mean "I wish I could have".  It’s a subtle distinction but it makes all the difference in how successful we are at getting what we want.  

As a life coach and personal trainer, I hear people say they want to have a better job, to be better managing their money, or to be in better shape.  Many times, in reality, they wish for those things because they recognize they could be beneficial. 

There is not actually a real desire to make these things happen.   This is why the choices they make can seem inconsistent with what they claim to want. 

One complicating factor is not wanting what we think we want.  We focus on a red herring instead of what we actually desire.  Then, we aren’t pleased when we get what we wanted. 

Having struggled with this issue myself, I enjoy helping people clarify what it is they truly want in order to figure out how to achieve it.  Everyone is unique but there are some general truths about fulfilling one’s true desires.

Desire is just the first step.  Eventually we have to take action to achieve what we want.  

We don’t always take children seriously when they claim to want something.  This is because we know kids are apt to think verbalizing a desire is all that is required to get what they want.  They don’t realize there is work necessary to satisfy a wish.  

As adults we know action must be taken to get something worthwhile. 

It is possible to stroll pleasantly along in life without much effort.  However, that type of unintentional living leads to a place that is fine, but not particularly fulfilling.  Getting something we truly want usually involves combining desire with purposeful actions. 

We will probably have to give up something we like to get what we want. One of the difficult parts of being mature adults is recognizing we may not be able to have everything we want at the same time. 

This is not to say we have to sacrifice everything we enjoy for the sake of one goal. 

However, the morning mocha latte may have to be swapped for home-brewed coffee while credit card balances get paid down.  Cupcakes may have to be put on hold in order to get the body fat percentage under control. 

We have to establish priorities.  Even if it is only short-term, some discipline is required to get what we want.

Everything we have to do to get what we want is not going to be fun. Gaining proficiency is somewhat humbling on the front end. 

When we were in grade school learning to play instruments or to speak foreign languages we expected to stumble over those first scales or mangle the conjugation of some verbs. 

Somehow once we become adults we forget about the learning curve.  We figure we should be immune to having to struggle to do anything we want because we have already acquired so many other abilities. 

Learning to manage money or to establish a consistent workout schedule is a new and challenging skill for some of us.  Getting better means sticking with it.  Commitment is what carries us through the moments that aren’t so fun.

Getting what we want is awesome.  It is remarkably satisfying when effort, discipline and commitment get us what we really want. 

We often put limitations on what we want because we worry the up-front investment isn’t going to pay off.  This is where faith comes in. 

We have to believe in ourselves and our capabilities to get what we want.  We also have to trust what we are striving to achieve has value.  When we do and it all works out, it is amazing.

Now think about it again…what do you really want?